Jeez! When was the last time I put something on this dusty old blog? How can I possibly have a marketing scheme without constant and overbearing web presence? Well, I am compelled to put finger to keypad on the issue of illegal immigration.

It seems like there are a lot of people who are under the impression that illegal immigrants are able to sneak into this great nation of ours and, without any money, tattered clothing, and no English skills whatsoever, are able to game the system here so effectively that they have brought our economy to it’s knees while we pay for their comfortable living. Disregard the fact that MS Word would call the previous sentence awkwardly long! Illegal immigrants are running around getting free housing, free food, free education, and all kinds of things that should be going to Americans! All without paying into the system! OMGZ! WTFuck?! Not only that, illegal immigrants have taken jobs that Americans want to work! I mean, seriously! Unemployment is nearly 10 percent! If all of these illegals weren’t here picking our broccoli and slaughtering our factory beef we’d surely have our levels back to a manageable 5% or something. That’s a gawl derned fact! And I have proof in the form of something I heard on FoxNews. Furthermore, a chain letter!

If this is sounding like a strawman I can only assure you that I have heard these very arguments from friends and family alike and I’d like to debunk them here.

As it turns out, we have some great social experiments going on where we can see what happens when specific states, unsatisfied that our Federal government has not acted in a manner that is draconian enough to keep unwanted brown people out, have enacted strict immigration laws that violate certain civil rights.

Alabama is one of those states. Their strict immigration laws have done their job and made everyone happy by scaring away all but the bravest or most desperate illegals looking for income. Well, there must be plenty of jobs floating around now! Unemployment must be down to a trickle if not completely plugged! I bet their economy is booming, too! As it turns out, those citizens in Alabama, who are experiencing unemployment on par with the national average, can’t seem to find motivation to pick up and work those jobs that illegals are no longer doing. In fact, produce is rotting on the vine unpicked. Farm work is what the majority of illegal immigrants do. Why? Because they were farmers in a past life. According to the Huston Chronicle:

“The farmers said the some of their workers may have been in the country illegally, but they were the only ones willing to do the work.”

How’s the economy? Some farmers may even lose their stands because they can’t get enough blue blooded Americans to pick up a shovel for money.

‘Farmer Chad Smith said his family farm stands to lose up to $150,000 because there are not enough workers to pick tomatoes spoiling in the fields. “We will be lucky to be in business next year,” he said.’

Maybe they don’t know those jobs are available? Turns out, The United Farm Works Union sent out employment notices. And millions of people replied! Just kidding. It was three people. And I think one of them thought they were helping a Nigerian prince.

“With U.S. unemployment near 10 percent, many believe illegal immigrants are taking jobs from Americans. But when the United Farm Workers union launched a campaign offering to connect unemployed people to farm jobs, only three people accepted — out of thousands of inquiries.

Emphasis mine, bitches! That’s right folks. We know at least three people who might want to finally take back that employment those darned Mexicans have stolen from us!

And why wouldn’t you work on a farm? I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to be “up before dawn every morning and work all day in the hot sun [...] spend the day stooping over picking vegetables and carrying heavy loads.” What a great workout! Especially, when you think about the high price of a gym memberships and the humiliating alternative: Getting paid to do nothing!

“Maria Machuca, a spokeswoman for the United Farm Workers in Washington, D.C., says hard labor in the fields isn’t going to attract legal residents or native-born Americans who have other options that, for some, include waiting out a bad economy at home by collecting unemployment checks.

So, there you have it. Americans aren’t going to work at a really hard job for money because they can wait at home for a better job (read “easier”) to come along while the government sends them entitlements.

Georgian farmers were having such a time of it they had to send in actual criminals!

“Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal’s program to replace fleeing migrant farmworkers with probationers backfired when some of the convicted criminals started walking off their jobs because field work was too strenuous.

Not only are law abiding Americans too lazy to work in the fields, so are American criminals! Can you imagine shiftless criminals not wanting to work hard?! It throttles the senses!

Illegal immigrants don’t get free housing either. Only 0.4% of those living in federally subsidized housing are estimated to be immigrants. Only a fraction of that 0.4% are estimated to be here illegally. Federally subsidized housing is not given to any immigrant, regardless of his or her documented status. Incidentally, residents in government housing do have to pay rent. So, of the 0.4% of immigrants living in subsidized housing who are illegal, they all pay to live there.

There are some entitlement programs that illegal immigrants could garner. But the majority avoid taking government assistance programs because they are afraid they might be deported. This includes “free” food in the form of a food stamp program. At best, you could say that children of illegal immigrants are eligible for some benefits but since illegal immigrants do pay taxes, they are paying into that pool.

Wait? Illegal immigrants pay taxes? Yes, you ninny! Many illegal immigrants are registered under fake Social Security Numbers so they are listed on payrolls. This means they have payroll taxes and Social Security and Medicare deducted in every check.

“$11.2 billion went into the Social Security Trust Fund in 2007, and $2.6 billion went into Medicare. While that money will be used to pay retirees and health-care beneficiaries, it most likely will never be claimed by the illegal immigrants who contributed it.”

In other words, while your retired conservative uncle is complaining about all the illegals taking our stuff, illegal immigrants are quietly paying for his statins.

The truth is that illegal immigrants aren’t getting entitlements or special favors or anything of the sort. Why? Because of bureaucracy, that’s why. Poor, non-English speaking illegal immigrants are hovering under the radar because they are afraid of getting caught. How in the world could they manage to game a system that it seems American citizens who have lived here their whole lives can barely get their heads around? They can’t. They can’t lift their heads up to protest labor conditions, ill treatment, or lost wages. If they do, Barack Obama might deport them.

It’s a paranoid fiction that scapegoats some of the most vulnerable people living in this country. Convenient, isn’t it? And, of course, you have to scorn these people because if you realize they are human and trying to live and feed their families and make the best of a bad situation you just might start to care about them. And you can’t have that. You can’t care about people.

This is part of the Right’s cognitive dissonance. The Right claims the word “moral” all of the time. But not the definition. They demand a return to a time when we cared about each other and had a community and family values. But not for people who aren’t us. Fuck those people. They don’t even get The Bill of Rights. The Right is angry that illegal immigrants are taking entitlements from American citizens. Those same entitlements Right wing politicians are actually trying to take away from American citizens!

There is a concerted top-down effort to lay blame on a helpless population because if the Right were to attack someone with a political voice, they would lose. This will always be and has always been the case. Don’t let them fool you. They aren’t out to help you. They want to distract you. And while you were worried about poor Mexican migrants working for pennies, you were having your right to assemble infringed upon. While you were afraid a brown person might take your job from you, you were having your internet access censored. You were having your phones monitors. You were having your right to Habeus Corpus removed. You were having your right to freedom of assembly chipped away.

So keep worrying about a nonexistent threat by powerless people. Ignore the men behind the curtain.


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